The drive

I hate driving, If you happen to live more than 10 minutes from me then you have heard me whine about it. What I don’t hate is, driving alone for long stretches of time. There is something about being in my car alone, all my thoughts to myself. I inevitably cry every time. It’s the only time I allow myself to be who I really am and feel how I truly feel. I allow all my hurts and disappointments to reveal themselves, all my fears and anger to come to the surface. I meet God here, when I am at my weakness, most vulnerable. I need this time, the Catharsis is cleansing to my soul.

 I have been living in a state of gloom for the past several weeks. It’s something that I can’t seem to shake.  It’s not really like me to hold on to this state of mind for this long. I very seldom let things bother me for long, I am not easily offended and I really do feel like I live a very blessed life, so where this is coming from I’m not sure.  It could be that I’m just busy, tired and worn out, coupled with disappointments from people that I may or may not have exaggerated in my mind.  Or maybe it’s hormonal? Spiritual warfare? I don’t know. I have been spending good portions of my “free time” seeking change and strength through God’s word. I have to remind myself that people will always disappoint, even people I love and that love me, but God’s promises remain true, and although others as well as myself may fail, he never will.

Untill this has passed, I will continue to use my vehicle as my own personal therapy, so if you happen to pass me while driving and I have that ugly kind of cry, just know…I’m working it out.

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